All 9 game Reviews


React or Die React or Die

Rated 3 / 5 stars

Not much to say here, another reaction game. More minimalistic than most, though I'll give you credit for making it quite visually pleasing, the colour scheme was actually for some reason really nice to look at and the overall design was very smooth. The music was also very catchy, for a couple of minutes, but the loop began getting annoying after a little while, especially since it doesn't actually loop very well, there was a slight pause afterwards. It was programmed well, it worked, but I'm not going to go into much detail because there isn't really too much programming involved in a game like this, but since it's your first submission to NG (I'm not sure if you've made other games before anywhere else, I'm just going by what I can tell) I'll give you newcomer credit.

I didn't play for that long, I'm not a jockey for high scores or for medals or anything like that, I think I did 3 play throughs but didn't get very far. I think a couple of draw backs are that you don't have any specific obligation to react, like a time limit or anything. On top of that there is very little in replayability, I didn't notice (I could be wrong) any difficulty curve and to be honest it started out pretty hard to begin with. There was very little time to react and when you did you only got one chance anyway, one wrong move and you lose.

Usually with games like this you start of with maybe 5 seconds to react then everytime you react successfully the time you have to react decreases, gradually getting harder until ultimately you can't keep up. On top of that you could get upgrades like extra chances, temporarily slowing down the speed giving you more room to react and so on and so fourth.

It makes me nostalgic of your classic reaction games, back when they bothered to give them a theme. I used to love the "Bullet" reaction games where you would have to dodge a bullet shot at you and the gunman stepped closer each time. You could have given it more of a theme than just react to the dots. But then, it's alright I suppose.

Points for effort and for actually making it look quite nice and I hope you continue to create things, bigger and better in future.


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Hatcher Chess 2-6PL Hatcher Chess 2-6PL

Rated 2 / 5 stars

What can I say, it's a simple drag and drop game? So technically this isn't really much of a game on it's own, you need 6 players, honestly at any give time I don't happen to have 6 friends in the room, if I did then I wouldn't be using my computer and being all antisocial. And technically couldn't I just get an A3 piece of paper, draw the grid on it and use pieces from the chess sets I own? Not that I'm much of a chess fan myself and not that many of my friends are either.

I'd be more impressed if it wasn't just a drag and drop game, in that there's actually no other programming involved. Usually a chess game (even the two player versions) is at least programmed so you can only move on your turn and you can only move one piece on your turn and that you can only move the pieces which you are supposed to be able to move. With this there was no restriciton, you could move any piece, anywhere, at any time and the game comes with a whole wall of text as instructions. Yet strangely it has no instructions on how to play chess, it simply assumes we already know how.

The conversion of chess to 6 player chess isn't as smooth as the many 3 player and 4 player chess, since you had to add extra squares which don't exist on a normal board. And generally the idea of multiplayer chess is that all players start an equal distance away from each other for fairness, it was more like two boards in one here, it may have been wise just to make it 4 player. The art also wasn't particularly good, you didn't use the generally excepted design for certain pieces.

And here's the final problem with this game, you missed out 2 pieces from each player. One of those two pieces being the most important piece in the game, the Queen.


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xympul responds:

Did you READ the description or in-game instructions? Each player has TWO queens, bishops have been removed. XD

Play it with 5 friends, you might like it.

It is Hatcher Chess, not traditional chess ;)

No one I know has been able to program the AI for a 4 or 6 player chess game that is decent. It is easier to play with other people, just like a tabletop chess game, hence why I made it.

Being so critical for something way too simple, is going to stress you out.

Your mountain range art is is neat, I'd like to see more, keep working on your art :)

Thank you for taking the time to leave feedback! :)


Sloppy Turd Sloppy Turd

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

Now we're really scrapping the bottom of the toilet bowl with the Flappy Bird spoofs and clones. I mean seriously? I'll admit I laughed at it and I realize it was most likely intended to make fun of Flappy Bird, but it's just daft. As hard as it is to believe, the programming is actually worse than Flappy Bird, it's hard to screw up programming a game, which can be programmed flawlessly in a couple of minutes.

It's a game which anybody with some experience could make in 10 minutes. All for a lame joke and a redundant reference. But why I'm reading into this so much I don't know. I'm just playing a Flappy Bird clone after all... Because that hasn't been done enough already.


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Reach The End Reach The End

Rated 3 / 5 stars

OK, let's begin another review. First of all, I like simple games, but this could have been more created. I understand you were making it for a Jam where you were restricted to really low resolution graphics, so I'll ignore this, however you could have given us more than a square player, too many games do this and it makes it look, well, boring. There's even a game called "A Boring Game" which exploits and mocks this theme. For the most part the rest of it's OK.

Again, I like games where the whole theme is that the game is intentionally super-difficult, I don't really get mad, I just give into the trial and error of the game play and style and then savor the satisfaction of getting past something such as in "The Unfair Platformer" and "I Wanna Be The Flash Game". But I dislike games where the difficulty comes from things like controls and programming, like this game. Everything's big, but the window is small, so it's easy to run into things before you can react, so you have to edge forward slowly and surely and take your time. But quickly you find parts of the game where you have to jump over something not knowing what's on the other side. This is irritating because that means you have to take a leap of faith and hope for the best, usually ending up back at the checkpoint.

The controls are poor, the physics are inconsistent and take some getting used to, for the first time just getting past the first jump was hard, because things feel stiff and slippery. Which just adds to the frustration. In some parts you have to get into very narrow gaps and you don't have much room for compromise. Then a little further on it's like I'm trying to stick my dick through the eye of a needle without being able to hold my dick or touch the needle with anything. It's a real bummer. The slow frame rate didn't help the matter either.

The game itself is a little boring to look at, the color scheme is generic and empty feeling, the absence of any music also made it more empty and dull. The sound effects were pretty good, they sounded nice and retro like Mario, but there's only two sound effects, one for landing or hitting the ceiling and another for jumping which themselves get annoying after a while, it would be forgivable if there was music, but... Yeah.

I guess you were going for something like an old Atari 2600 feel, but it doesn't achieve that. Atari games were intriguing and colourful, just interesting to look at and bright, where as this game doesn't have that. It's a grey, black, red and blue. It doesn't give much of that retro feeling at all.

I will say that the game introduced some fun ideas, like being able to decide your own checkpoints which was very helpful. This meant you could start over in a convenient spot, but sometimes I forgot to place them and other times it was hard to find a convenient spot to start from and a couple of times I accidentally hit space in areas where I didn't want them. At one point I pressed space by accident after getting past a tricky obstacle, just before dying on the next, and when I got the checkpoint it forced the game into an eternal death loop I couldn't get out of and in the end had to start over.

As you can imagine I gave up pretty quick because it just wasn't that fun. But I'll give you points for effort and points for a few original ideas.


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FattyJoeMan responds:

I appreciate the detailed review, and fully understand all cons listed. On the matter of the eternal death, shift will restore your previous checkpoint allowing you to get out of such situations.


Zombie Squares (demo) Zombie Squares (demo)

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

Where do I begin on this. The art is poor and uninspired, the physics is sloppy, since the character is slow and the gravity makes it feel like your character is bouncing on the moon, the gun is useless since it doesn't do much damage and is very slow to fire, the melee weapon kills pretty quick, so why do I have a gun, why do you lose health if the character attacks the enemy with the sword, that's just despicable hit testing, when you land after jumping there's a delay between then and when you can next jump meaning when doing platforms you have to wait before jumping again, there's no specific obligation to kill the zombies, it's easier to just run straight past them.

Whilst the graphics themselves aren't unforgivably bad, but the art is strange looking, you got a strange looking floor where the different platform tiles aren't seamless, you got a strange looking moon which is brown for some reason and the stars bug me because some of them have a dark blue box around them. The game is in what I guess is like pre-alpha stage, no way to really lose the game,ad just start over, no scoring mechanism that I kind find. It doesn't offer much in the realms of playability, so I stopped playing on level 4.

Honestly, this really needs a lot of work, since it wasn't in any way enjoyable. But that being said, keep at it and keep working on it, just try and improve it before you release it.


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jersysito responds:

Thanks for the detailed feedback, it was very helpful :)


Self harm : the emo game Self harm : the emo game

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Bring on the nostalgia. Damn it's been 8 years since I first played this, that makes me feel old. Still enjoying this. What get's me is just how dated it feels. My Space and Panic At The Disco, a real blast from the ass. It's been a hell of a long time since I last saw a decent Emo game. But I get to mutilate my keyboard once again, come to think of it, it's been a while since I last saw a button mashing game too. It's just fun to play, win or lose the ending is hilarious and the DIY self harm instructions still crack me up. The Emo hatred seems to have drained away nowadays, I really miss it because it's just hilarious. In fact I'm not sure what's funnier, the games and movies, or just reading the comments from angry Emo Kids.

What surprised me to begin with is the fact that someone actually decided to make a game simulating self harm and just how much fun it actually is. On top of that, your reward and congratulation for beating the game is getting called a worthless piece of shit that nobody cares about and an instruction manual on how to off yourself. Still funnily enough, the victory screen is my favorite of any game to date. I don't hate Emo kids, I just hate stupid attention whoring bitches, which a large portion of Emos happen to be, there do exist OK ones (believe it or not). Don't take the insult so personally, bitching and whining about this ain't helping your argument anyway, especially since the maker is barely online and so far as I can tell doesn't check reviews too often.

Cherish the pain and keep on self harming people.



1vs3 1vs3

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

I'm honestly not sure what to comment on here. The overall unnaturalness of the whole situation, the clunky and constipated animation, the levitating girl, the poor video quality, the fact that I'm pretty sure the only part you really made was the buttons and interactivity or just how surreal this whole thing is. It's unpleasant and weird looking and frankly, fucking hilarious. I couldn't jack off to it if I tried and frankly I doubt many other people could or would even want to.

The whole thing was a joke. Frankly the fact I played this to the end shows I need to rethink all my life decisions. The only thing that prompted it though was laughing my ass off as I tried to work out what the hell I was watching.



Clown Killer 2 Clown Killer 2

Rated 5 / 5 stars

OK where do I begin. First of all I was a huge fan of the first game, I played it over and over again, I mean really played it into oblivion. So when my friends told me that there was a second game I was pretty excited, cause I knew it was gonna be good. I first played this in school, back when everyone was playing games during lessons and during lunch in the computer rooms. This one got a lot of plays out of everyone, literally all my friends were playing it and for a good reason. It has it's upsides and downsides.

First of all the controls take a little getting used to. Difficult things to get down were the fact you can't shoot whilst walking, which is a pain, but it was the same in the first game. Secondly the absence of being able to shoot in both directions at the same time, like in the first game, was kind of a bummer. However you did introduce the ability to dive which was a fun new ability to master and quite essential in playing the game. Getting that skill down was really important. Also the ability to only shoot forwards caused a little bit of trouble in the later levels. In addition when you get hurt the controls jam up, which is a pain when trying to attack a clown right in front of you whilst he's slashing at you and was worse for people when they got caught in a pool of fire.

The game was difficult as hell. Most games don't throw so much at you at once and most games down have such a steep difficulty curve.

When we used to play this game, your were pretty great at this game if you could beat the first level, which took a little bit of classic skill, nothing much to, you know the drill, shoot everything, kill kill kill and keep moving forward.

If you could beat the second level, you were fucking awesome at the game. It took some real skill, this is where diving becomes quite crucial. It's useful because he fires off 2 rounds as he dives which can easily take out the clowns in front of you and very useful for dodging the molotovs being thrown at you or getting out of the flames in case you accidentally got caught in them. Shooting the clowns before they throw the molotovs was usually the best option. Diving was also good for progressing through the game properly. But becomes tedious when in a panic you accidently dive into a cluster of clowns or into the middle of a pool of flames.

If you could beat the third level of this game, you were the motherfucking beast, which fortunately I was. Level 3, or the total clusterfuck as it's better known as, is a final test of your skill. Unlike level 2 where you got one new enemy to face, in this level you got 2 new obstacles, exploding cars and falling bombs. The bombs you have to look out for the blue circle that flashes briefly telling you where it's going to land and the cars were just luck. You had to stay the fuck away from the sides of the screen because the car could come and fuck you over, also it was easier just to move straight to the other side of the screen when the bomb dropped because keeping an eye out for the blue circle was pretty damn difficult whilst dodging the car, the molotovs and killing the clowns. Would it hurt to have just given it a shadow where it was landing? I mean all the characters had shadows, why not the bomb? A minor flaw.

In level 3 diving became even trickier, because the screen would get packed with enemies, since you could only shoot forward, you'd often not be able to kill the clowns because you had to move vertically to avoid the car or the bombs. Often when diving to avoid the bombs or the car you can land yourself in a tricky spot, also sometimes you'd get jammed between the flames, the car and the bomb and cornered by the clowns. When you get to this level, the clowns totally tear your fucking world apart, they seem to come in clusters. It's just so difficult to maneuver everything and shoot at the same time, especially since you can't shoot whilst moving. It would have been better if you had split level 3 up into two levels, level 3 you get the bombs falling and level 4 you get the car too. Better difficulty curve.

Like I said, if you can complete the third level, you are the motherfucking beast.

The boss was a little disappointing, yeah he was pretty cool looking and he was quite tricky, but he didn't do much except zoom across the screen and occasionally shoot at you. After the third level it wasn't really all that difficult, also it's a shame it doesn't utilize any use of the diving feature. Overall it was just a shame there wasn't more challenge in it. Like perhaps if he switched what side of the screen he was on, their were other enemies joining in or he threw bombs at you or something. I never thought I'd say this about this game, but this one level isn't difficult enough.

What makes the game more difficult is the items are useless, they appear more than in other games but they just don't do enough for them to be useful. The ones that give you points I guess are useful to people who want to rack up a high score, but the ones that heal you just don't heal enough of your health. I wish you had made the items heal you more than 5-20%. Also there are no lives and no continues, you die, you go straight back to the menu and have to start over from the beginning. Would it have killed you to give people a continue screen? Maybe some level codes or even just more than one life? You will die a lot at this game and when you do die, you have to start over, so you can't really practice at the later levels. That is unless you know the Arena Mode password.

That's right, if you type "arena" into the bonus codes box you get a survival mode, where you get a single screen to move in and you fight the enemies endlessly. It features all the enemies from the game minus the exploding car, which I'm glad of because that enemy is a bitch. It's good for practice, so putting this as a default option would have been more helpful to people, even if you didn't include a continue screen.

The game is very addictive, it's very challenging and most of the replay value comes from just how challenging it is. When I first played it, I just had to beat this game so I kept coming back like some kind of gaming masochist, it took a lot of time, but I got a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment out of beating this game. The game has it's flaws in the programming and style, but the controls are fluent and it gives you some features (such as diving) to master as well as things to learn and improve at, thus the difficulty is fair, unlike in some games where difficulty comes from bad controls or hit testing, the challenge is straight up. And I loved every second of it.

Playing it again I forgot how frustrating and difficult it was, having not played it in a really long time it was refreshing and great to face the challenge all over again.

I love the wholesome oldschool arcade feeling of it, it takes games back to it's bloody routtes. The enjoyment of the game comes from playing it and that's about it, gameplay, challenge and replayablility is what brings people back playing it over and over and that's been lost quite a bit nowadays. The arcade feeling, racking up points and the oldschool sidescroller elements make it a lot of fun. I have a lot of nostalgia invested in this game, chances are I'll come back to play it years from now.

Also I forgot to mention the second code, which makes all the characters heads massive. It's a little bit pointless but once again still a little bit fun. Type "heads" as the bonus code to make everyone's heads massive, only downside is it can get in the way and be a little distracting.

The graphics are awesome, they maintain everything I loved about the first game, it has the grumgy look to it, the backgrounds with the perfectly stationary people, the fact it's completely black and white and holds some of that carnival and circus performer feeling to it, as well as the creepy touches such as that kids face screaming on the poster actually make it quite dark and cool. It's a shame the backgrounds are actually so low quality, I mean I know you got to compress it a little for filesize reasons, but you could have made it a little bit higher quality, so we could appreciate it properly.

The clowns, the drawing, the characters etc are well done. You kept true to the feeling of the game throughout, a lot of simplicity to it. The evil clown standing amongst the flames was fucking awesome looking when I was a kid and it's still pretty cool looking now. The violence is pretty cool, I wish there was more deaths though, they all seem to die in the same way, but I can't really complain. The items seem perfectly appropriate for it too. The animation was also pretty good, seemed a little stiff or rushed at times, but overall still good.

The soundtrack was fucking awesome, the music suits it perfectly and it's a shame the author who made the Bonus Battle Theme playing during the game play had his account deleted, I had the song downloaded, but I lost it and now I can't download it anymore. You did a good job of choosing the music.

The storyline itself was pretty cool when I was younger. Yeah, it's lame and cliche and obviously meant to be a funny satire, there are some comments from people who didn't like it. But it's a game about killing clowns, is that really what you're gonna question? It point blanc suits the game perfectly and it's actually at least a little original and good for shits and giggles here and there. The ending seemed a little disappointing, I'll admit, but nothing too much. The story doesn't really have much presence though, it doesn't progress during the game, it just has a start and a finish, a setup explaining why you're killing everything and a conclusion of what happens after you've finished.

The fact the story doesn't play much into the game seems a little lazy and disappointing. But hey, it's a story, the first game didn't have one, most flash games don't either, especially the flash games of 2006 but then it's all about playing the game, if the game is fun mission accomplished. All it falls down to really is... Fuck it, I wanna kills some goddamn clowns. The games called Clown Killer after all and it delivers what it promises.

It was awesome then, it's awesome now. Shooting clowns to pieces is still just as satisfying. The only thing I was disappointed about is there was never a Clown Killer 3. I expected a conclusion to the story and a continuation of the series, but one never came, that was a dream crushed. But I'm not gonna hold any grudges.

Fucking awesome and hopefully, maybe, just maybe, someday there will be a Clown Killer 3.


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Clown Killer Clown Killer

Rated 5 / 5 stars

An instant classic. I remember this as a game I used to play all the time. When I was a kid I found clowns creepy as fuck and I loved horror movies about them, because they could truly scare me. This game was like a big middle finger to them, as I was playing it was like I was just saying FUCK YOU CLOWNS. I really gotta hand it to you this game is great, I really needed that.

I remember praising the art and the fluent controls in this game and actually it still holds up great today. I love the grungy photo-realistic background and the creepy music, it suits it perfectly like oldschool horror games and movies. I always got a great feeling as I pulled off a double shot for the 75pts and an even better feeling as I managed to pull off a double kill by lining up the clowns and shooting in both directions at the same time. Overall you just did a great job on everything.It was a great game then, it's a great game now.

Wonderful survival game, almost a satire of the traditional cute and cuddly clowns. It's like you knew exactly what I wanted in a game and made it accordingly. The violence is delicious, the cute art style is just perfect, especially in a game that's about nothing but endlessly killing clowns and it kept me coming back playing it over and over again. I remember having this game downloaded on my old second hand Windows Millenium desktop and playing it countless times, I remember sometimes getting hundreds of kills, but it still wasn't quite enough.

This one always puts a wonderfully sadistic little grin on my face. I miss the good old days of ultraviolent flash games. Playing this again was a real blast from the past.